Blog – Doesn’t anyone read FetLife profiles?

By Alicia

Since my feature on SingularityNL’s Devotee blog, my FetLife inbox has been quite busy. It says clearer than day on my profile not to be shy to add me but it also clearly states for people who decide to contact me (especially Dev’s and amputee pretenders) to tread lightly and thoughtfully when messaging me.

It’s quite obvious to me when you haven’t read one fucking word of my profile. Your questions give you away. Recently, many of these encounters I’ve had have been since my interview went live, all with dev’s that seem to have purely created an account on Fet to talk to me. Your message pops up with no photo…just a big question mark. You add me shortly after or even before you message and your history only dates back to the current day, you give little to no information about yourself and I’m your only friend? Seems suspicious, no?

Regardless of how utterly off putting such a profile is, you still message me, poking and prodding and asking me hundreds of personal physical questions about myself and stump that you have no right to, and yet you urgently demand these answers in your message as if I owe you for you showing interest in me. You offer no info as to who you are. The only information you’ve given me is that you’re rude, pushy and that you clearly didn’t read my interview and that no matter what it had said, I’M STILL JUST SOME FUCKING PIECE OF MEAT TO YOU.
Singularity’s blog is to raise awareness for dev issues and amputee issues. One of the main issues I deal with constantly is the negative connotation that dev’s get for sexualizing an amputee for just their amputation. I have met more negative personality dev’s than I have positive personality dev’s (positive to mean seeing the person as a whole and finding their adversity and other attributes sexy along with the physical) and that saddens me. There’s a fine line and many a gray area in the subject of a dev’s attraction and the self perceiving feelings an amputee has.

The warning of “treading lightly” on my profile is painted and posted plain and simple. Crossing lines with me will bring out my claws and turn me into a version of myself that I try to suppress: the rage.

Last night, for the first time, I had received a message that made my blood boil from the sheer level of disrespect toward my amputation.
I was contacted by one of these utterly off putting profiles as I had referenced. He was from a European country, telling me that he’s a dev and amputee pretender and how much he loved my article. I thanked him and told him to have a nice day, thinking he would get the hint that I wasn’t interested in privately talking to him. But that was not the case. He replied shortly after with, “Have you ever pretended to be missing your other limbs? It’s fun.”
… The second I read this, my ears burned with fire and I could feel the blood flushing my cheeks. I was livid. Absolutely livid. All I could think was: “HOW FUCKING DARE YOU. IT’S FUN? IT’S FUCKING FUN?! WHAT THE FUCK WOULD A PRETENDER KNOW ABOUT AMPUTATION BEING FUN?! WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF PHANTOM PAINS, CONSTANT MUSCLE SORENESS, THE DISABILITY OFFICE, JOB DISCRIMINATION, DEPRESSION, ANGER, PTSD, ANXIETY, SUICIDAL TENDENCIES, YEARS OF THERAPY, LOSS OF FRIENDS, LOSS OF INDEPENDENCE, LOSS OF SELF, CHRONIC PAIN LEADING TO DRUG DEPENDENCY? DOES THAT SOUND FUN? DO YOU THINK OF THAT SHIT WHEN YOU ARE RUBBING ONE OUT TO PHOTOS OF PEOPLE LIKE ME? DO YOU THINK OF THE UTTER VILE AND COMPLETE BULLSHIT PEOPLE LIKE US HAVE TO GO THROUGH ON A DAILY BASIS JUST TO SURVIVE IN THE “TWO LEGGED” WORLD THAT YOU SO IGNORANTLY WANT TO “PRETEND” YOU AREN’T A PART OF IN COMPARISON TO ME WHO WOULD GLADLY TRADE MY ONE LEG FOR THE TWO YOU “PRETEND” YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE!? WISHING FOR THINGS THAT YOU WOULD ULTIMATELY REGRET LOSING IN THE LONG RUN. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE TO LIVE THIS LIFE AND THE FACT THAT YOU “WISH” YOU COULD, ONLY SHOWS ME HOW UNCUT OUT BEING AN AMPUTEE IS FOR YOU. YOU’D NEVER SURVIVE. TRUST ME. PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE REASON I DON’T LIKE PRETENDERS AND WHY I DON’T TRUST DEV’S IN THE FIRST PLACE!”

After I reeled my thoughts in, I composed myself and thought long and hard about what I wanted my last reply to be before I block him like all the other disgusting fucks I’ve come across. I thought carefully and reflected back to the Dev’s I’ve met that do not fit this negative stereotype, those positive personality Dev’s I spoke of. In considering men like them, I knew that this guy exacerbates the Dev stereotype but doesn’t represent who Dev’s are because I know others who are the complete opposite of him.

I responded finally with: I would never pretend to be missing any of my other limbs because as an cancer survivor amputee, that is DISRESPECTFUL to my survivorship. Educate yourself with sensitivity before you message another amputee. Your level of idiocy and insensitivity seems to be running rampant in mass quantities.
And then he was blocked. Today I see he’s moved on and has added a mutual friend on FetLife who he unfortunately will now bother, as she is the only friend on his page. I see he’s learned nothing.

FOR INSENSITIVE PIECES OF SHIT LIKE THE ONE I DESCRIBED: BACK OFF. TAKE A HINT. YOU’RE NOT FLATTERING, YOU’RE GOD AWFUL AND FRIGHTENING.
Boundaries exist for a reason and people write on their profiles for a reason!
FUCKING RESPECT THEM AND READ THEM!

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