Alicia’s Q2: Where does your attraction stem from?
Paul: “This is likely the question I asked myself most in my life. What I know is that I’ve had it since very young age. As an eight year old or so, I was using calqueerpaper to make women on pictures in mail order catalogues into amputees, and I vaguely recall being excited by it. That was long before active sexual awareness, but it was persistent already. When my mom told me ‘I shouldn’t do this’, I continued in secret. As soon as I started masturbating, those feelings became more explicitly erotic, and they have been since then.
In terms of my ‘clinical case’, one of my grandfathers had a below the knee amputation and used – what was then called – a wooden leg. My parents have often told me I always mimicked his limp as a toddler, so apparently I’d noticed something in his walking and found it interesting enough to imitate it. No idea if this is any serious indication, though. It could just as well have been a very innocent thing curious kids tend to do.
There’s other examples of dev suspect kid behaviour however. I have no recollection of this myself – I was maybe two – but I’ve heard my dad tell about some old aunt of him visiting, and she had a very high leg amputation. Reportedly, I was so fascinated by her I repeatedly went under her long skirts to have a look.
Also, on the route to my nursery school, there lived a man who was also missing a leg. He sometimes wore a prosthesis, and sometimes he didn’t, and I remember actually crossing the street (which I was very explicitly forbidden to do) to learn more about having one leg one day and two on another day.
So, you could say I had a very early eye for people missing limbs, and while this still doesn’t really explain the why, I’m pretty sure it’s how I developped this attraction.”
Alicia: “I wonder if there’s case studies that could be done on this because you are correct, it doesn’t explain why but it definitely shows development. I still don’t get it lol.”
Paul: “No worries, neither do I! As far as I know, there hasn’t been much – if any – research on how devoteeism develops, so it would be good if there would be. But I guess no one’s really waiting for it, except us maybe? :)”
Alicia: “Probably lol.”
Paul’s Q2: Natalie’s Palace is a web site selling videos and pictures of amputees, run by a woman who is an amputee (and model) herself. In the bio’s there, many models claim their modelling helped their self-acceptance. Can you imagine it would, and could you envision doing modelling yourself?
Alicia: “For myself, I personally would never do it. I don’t believe modeling helps everyone ‘accept themselves’. In some cases it does quite the opposite. For every 5 women who feel good about themselves when modeling, there will be at least 1 or 2 who don’t, and that is due to hate mail, personal doubts, scathing criticisms from the outside world.
I’ve actually have heard stories from the other side from able bodied models who want to commit suicide because the burden society puts on them to be beautiful, self confident and sexy all the time is too much.
So, good for others if it helps them, but ultimately I see modeling as a way to capitalize on the commodity you have to offer. So it’s great Natalie’s Palace is a place for some amputee women to feel sexy about themselves, but at the end of the day, those photos are probably being bought buy a guy who doesn’t even care what your name is and just wants to cum on your stump.
If I wanted to be degraded and disrespected all the time I wouldn’t need to sell myself to do that, I’d just call my ex or go on FetLife.”
Paul: “I respect your position in this. I also think it’s overly stressing the negative and raunchy side of modeling. Dutch arm amputee – and professional fashion model within a world of two-armed models – has done model shoots I find truly artistic, as well as a tasteful contribution to making this world learn to see there’s nothing not beautiful about missing a limb.
Is this degrading?”
Alicia: “No, not at all. I’m not saying the photos are degrading, I’m saying to what end the buyer is using those photos for could be degrading.”
Paul: “That point is true. But then again every nude picture could be used for that purpose by any kind of guy, although I’ll admit chances are pretty real in the case of devotees.”
Alicia: “Plus is this what is being put up on these modeling sites you are speaking of?”
Paul: “No. I admit I cheated a little here for the sake of the argument.”
Alica: “Okay, because this is definitely not what I saw when I went onto the site you had previously mentioned.
This is clearly shot artistically, not just some photo shot at high-res in the sun where women are propping their stumps on their crutch in skimpy clothes in some vulgar fashion or vagina hugging a fucking pole just so her stump pops out for viewing.
Again, you want to make your living that way: cool, but it’s not for me, and I would say that about an able-bodied model/stripper/porn star too.
Women are made for more than being paid to be sexy, but it’s easy, so a lot of women (shit men too!) do it. I can be sexy on my own without having to have dollars thrown in my face to do so. Again, just my stance, amputee or not.
I will say this though. Although I wouldn’t do this myself and have a strong stance on how I view it, that doesn’t mean I don’t understand why people do it, or why they need to do it in some cases.
Example: I don’t think stripping is a legitimate profession, because of how it can be degrading to the dancer and dangerous… however, that doesn’t mean I won’t get a lap dance from her or throw ones into her tits. She’s the one doing that job on her own free will, and although I know it can be degrading, so does she and she still choses to do it. My opinion of her doesn’t matter to her and she’s a god damn adult. Far be it from me to tell another adult how to live there life but that doesn’t mean I won’t have that stance still. Hope that makes sense.”
Paul: “It’s your view and choice in this and you’re an adult too. So yes, it does make sense. Perhaps though I should’ve used the second example in stead of the first, since what I was trying to argue is good and artistic pictures of amputees relaying a positive, strong and beauty image, and not something raunchy. There’s still the abuse thing obviously, but wouldn’t you agree it makes less of an argument in the case of artistic photography?”
Alicia: “I don’t understand your question here. Can you please reiterate? Meaning would I feel better about myself as an amputee if I were to be shot artistically?”
Paul: “My point was more in general, not with respect to you personally. And I was trying to say tasteful photography can be a help in changing society’s aesthetic view on disabled people, and perhaps disabled people’s views on themselves along the way. But like you said: every choice in this is personal.”
Click to Dialogue (3)