The Alicia Diary (2)

March 8 2016

With BB, I’m not an amputee, I’m just Mommy.

I recently dumped my devotee play partner. He wasn’t pulling his weight in our relationship and it was starting to pull at my heart strings too hard. I could feel myself falling for someone who filled my head with these visions of what life as an amputee should / could be if I were to be accepted fully… but in the end, he treated me just like all the non-dev’s from my past.
The week I dumped him, right before I called it quits, I met a very nice boy online. There was something about him that pulled me in and I saw he was local to me and I knew I had to contact him. He was wearing a diaper in his profile picture and he is such a beautiful looking man with piercing ocean blue eyes that I needed to reach out. He was taken with me and had been looking for a Mommy Domme figure. I have been and will always be a maternal type but I do have my Little side that needs a stern talking to every once and a while. Babyboy as I refer to him or BB, has opened me up and helped me discover the wonderful world of Age Play on both sides: as a Mommy Domme and as a Little.

I hadn’t noticed until a close internet friend pointed out that I have been so much more happy and less angry since meeting BB and I’d have to agree. BB is the first person I have ever met who really doesn’t even take into consideration my amputation as anything other than what it is. As my friend and fellow blogger SingularityNL has pointed out to me: BB loves his Mommy and the person his mommy is and he finds it irrelevant that his Mommy is missing a leg. He literally could give 2 shits about it. He’s the first person to not fight me on how I feel about myself and that is so refreshing. BB finding my amputation irrelevant makes him treat my amputation like any other part of my body, so my amputation isn’t the center of attention, as it was with my dev play partner. My amputation not being the center of attention, along with the exciting new relationship and special bond I am creating,  allows me to enjoy myself without thinking of being an amputee. Not thinking about my amputation (something that has literally consumed my life for over 12 years) with him, enables my focus to be on pleasure, making my anger fade and making it easier for me to cope….along with my Prozac of course😉

I asked BB the other day: “You don’t care that I’m broken?” In my past, most men, if not every man, would start in with: “You are not broken! You are beautiful and whole.”
They would try to tell me all the reasons they feel I am not ABC & D…but BB wants me the way I am and “wuvs me” as he and I say, just the way I am. His response to me when I asked “You don’t care that I am broken?” was just simply:“No.”, with a long embrace after. 

That to me is all I’ve ever wanted in a partner: someone who wouldn’t try to combat me on my own self image. He tells me I’m beautiful but also understands what self acceptance and lack of it look like.
With BB, I’m not an amputee. I’m just Mommy❤

 

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