“So word of mouth,” Sandra smiled.
It wasn’t easy to hide her joy. This new candidate was the first to contact her through recommendation by a model Sandra had worked with, which was business wise promising. It was also Sandra’s idea receiving first signs of recognition, which pleased even more.
There were lots of model agencies for amputees nowadays, but none of them treaded the fields Sandra considered her mission: to show the world amputees were sexual beings like any other person, whose loss of a limb didn’t make them less worth looking at, nor less willing to show they were. Sandra considered herself a good example of being an amputee not changing your desire to be found attractive, nor your being sexy and sexual, and the aim of her business was to also encourage other amputees: to agree with this and to not be afraid to show you did. The videos her business produced were not concealing, not in showing nudity nor in showing sex, and neither in showing the physical reality of amputation. They were however to demonstrate just how sexually worthwhile amputees could be, as well as to demonstrate there were amputees who were quite at ease to show they were.
Sure, she’d made it a business; Sandra tried make a living with this. But she made sure her models got their fair share, everything was done on voluntary basis, and her video productions were tasteful. Whatever people attributed to the term ‘porna’, to Sandra it meant sex could be made to show on video without being degrading to women. It was a thin line, experience so far had taught her that alright. But it could be done, that she had proved, and it was being recognised now.
“Indeed. And you were highly recommended,” Julia smiled back meaningfully.
“Good to hear! And can I ask how you know this model who recommended us?”
Julia hadn’t revealed her name as of yet, alas.
“I do a little counseling for a support organisation for amputees. I’m her mentor.”
Julia still choose to not reveal her name, it seemed. And while she was curious for sure, Sandra didn’t insist. “Experienced one-legsters supporting the fresh ones…” she filled in.
“Correct, I’m a veteran of twenty-five years,” Julia smiled.
“You looked like one when I saw you come in,” Sandra winked.
“Hey, I’ve stayed away from replacements all my life, so I should,” Julia winked back.
It showed, Sandra found. Never wearing a prosthesis made an amputee’s one-legged locomotion very natural, and Julia’s was as natural as she knew her own was.
“Interesting work, I take it?”
“It is, yes. And necessary,” Julia responded. “Amputation is so not part of what we assume from life.”
Sandra frowned a little. “Assume?”
“My cockhorse, I guess,” Julia smiled. “Modern life is dominated by beliefs of makeability. No matter what you have, it can be fixed. Amputation is very much an exception to that, making it harder to accept.”
“Interesting. I’ve never looked at it that way.”
“We’re just not used to life not going smoothly. So, when something happens to us, the first thing we ask ourselves is: why me? That doesn’t really help.”
“I can see it doesn’t,” Sandra replied, pensively. “But what would then, in your opinion?”
“Accept it’s what life was meant to be for you, and get on with it.”
“Is it really that easy?”
“O, I could spend my life trying to figure out what got me the tumor that lost me my leg,” Julia said. “I’ll never get the answer though. There was no logic or cause in it being me. I was just unlucky.”
Sandra nodded, still pensively.
“And then it helps to look at it like that. It did for me anyway.”
“How old were you when you lost it?” Sandra asked.
“I was twelve. I was also pretty lucky to survive. Even with the chop-off it was against the odds I would. But I did, this time because I was lucky.”
“And not unhappily, or am I wrong there?”
Sandra had seen a broad smiling woman enter her office, and that smile hadn’t disappeared since, even when she had a decent reason not to smile. Julia had what was technically called a hip disarticulation. Practically it meant her entire left leg was amputated at the hip. But it neither stopped her from looking happy, nor from wearing stretch leggings that didn’t intend to hide. She’d had them altered, which made the tight fit show the radical removal without compromise. Her expression was one of wanting others to see that though, simply because it was how she looked.
“I often doubt if anyone believes me, but yeah, I am happy. I learned to look at it as the price I was somehow meant to pay, and I’m paying it. Gladly too, even when it sucks. But I guess you know what it’s like,” Julia smiled.
“Yup, I do.”
“And how did you join the ranks of the one-legged?”
Sandra chuckled; she liked Julia’s choice of words. “I had mine overrun by a truck when I was three. Also very effective,”
“Bet it was. You’re pretty high as well, eh?”
“Just below the hip,” Sandra replied, moving on her side to show her. “High, but not beating you.”
“I know I’m tough to beat,” Julia grinned. “But age three means you grew up with it…”
“I can’t remember much, no. That was different for you, eh?”
“Yeah, twelve was a bad age. There’s never a good one, but doing your first boy hunting on crutches sucks. It never stopped me though.”
“And it got you a real hunk, I heard…”
“Sounds like your mentee’s report was pretty elaborate…” Sandra chuckled.
“We don’t tend to skip what matters,” Julia winked. “But the innocent way, no worries.”
“And how about you?”
“I’m still looking for mine. But I know I’m a bit of a character…”
“There’s guys who can handle that,” Sandra said.
“I know. I also know they’re hard to find, especially if you want one who’s not turned off by the leg thingy, which your guy is not at all, I also understood?” Julia added rather curiously.
“Greg is fine with it, yes.”
“A little more than just fine, I heard…”
“Okay then, he finds me very sexy for it. But only saying he does wouldn’t do him right.”
“No worries, I heard that too,” Julia reassured Sandra’s concern. “And it made me curious.”
“For what it’s like to see a man find you sexy for it. My mentee couldn’t get enough of parading for your guy, she told me.”
“If you’re able to accept his attraction, Greg’s looking can make you feel very sexy, yes. So I’m not surprised.”
“I take it you do. Accept it, I mean?”
“Yeah, I do now.”
“Meaning you haven’t always?”
“He told me when we met, never made a secret. But it takes time to really allow it.”
“And how does one?” Julia inquired, looking curious.
“One does in two steps, or I did at least,” Sandra replied.
“I wanna be prepared when I go on camera, so teach me!” Julia grinned, lifting an eyebrow.
“And you’re familair with this attraction, right?” Sandra took care to check.
“I had a couple of experiences, but never the convincing kind, so I’m still curious for what the good sort is like. And don’t hold back, please. I’m a big girl, and I’ve had this for twenty-five years already, so I can take it.”
Sandra smiled and nodded, doing the math. So she was thirty-seven, and looking pretty good for her age, Sandra found. She also found her a very good complement to her portfolio of models, so to say. Julia was also a big girl in another respect. She was a curvaceous woman who was amply endowed at the right places. And her tight fit leggings, a deep cut v-neck sweater and last but not least her body language showed she wasn’t shy about her bodily assets.
Then she answered her question, the way Julia preferred.
“It’s a bit of a shock to realise in the beginning, even when you’re emotionally at piece with the amputation,” Sandra started off. “But guys like Greg really find your stump breathtakingly sexy and truly exciting. It’s sexual and erotic for them, in everything that comes with it.”
Sandra watched Julia listen, her main expression open curiosity.
“I know Greg’s feelings are sincere, and he’d honestly wish me not to have the amputation if he could change it. But at the same time it feels like he loves me having it. He’s very much intrigued by my stump and he’s totally fascinated by how I cope with having one leg. Not as in getting a kick out of how it limits me but as in how it makes me differently abled, as he calls it. He finds my crutching and hopping elegant and beautiful. The sight of me missing a leg is arousing to him. That takes time to fully allow yourself to accept to be true.”
“I think I know what you mean, yes,” Julia smiled, not seeming particularly shocked.
“You do have to be comfortable with that, or you’ll hurt yourself…” Sandra took care to warn her.
“Thanks for being upfront; I appreciate that,” Julia smiled.
“There’s very positive sides to it as well, but only when you can be really okay with… um… can I be clear?”
“He’ll be as respectful as you wish him to be. I’ll guarantee you that. But allow him, and Greg will have no trouble getting hard from seeing you be an amputee…”
“I see…” Julia replied. “And I guess that’s where we move to step two?”
“It is. And if you can take it, that’s where the fun starts,” replied, smiling meaningfully.
“Okay, then full detail, please!”
“Step two is about being able to relate to it,” Sandra continued. “And I felt I needed to, and by the way not because I’m the kind of girl who thinks women are meant to fully satisfy their man.”
“I didn’t take you to be that kind of girl, no. So tell me why.”
“I decided to start making erotic videos featuring amputees because I think they can be just as sexy and sexual as any other woman. I want to show the world there’s no reason to be turned-off by amputee women.”
“I’d agree,” Julia smiled.
“Good to hear,” Sandra winked. “But if you do, you shouldn’t be shocked by someone being turned on by it, I think? Devotee attraction is an unusual case perhaps, but it’s not essentially different from what we’re aiming at.”
“Yeah, devotees like the very thing we want the world not to be turned off by,” Julia filled in.
“Exactly, and this has a personal side if you get yourself involved with one.”
“Hmm, I beginning to see your point now, yes.”
“I knew you would,” Sandra winked.
“And how does one succeed in step two then?”
Sandra chuckled. This ‘one does’ was becoming a running gag, and she liked it. “One does by changing from passive accepting to active enjoying. It’s not unlike what you told about just having been unlucky, and use that to accept.”
“Except this is a case of being lucky…”
“Obviously, yes. And then there’s another thing.”
“I’m still all ears.”
“Once you feel free to allow him to find your amputation sexually exciting, your own looking at it changes as well. It did for me at least.”
“I’ll repeat myself: all ears!” Julia grinned.
“Might not be the same for you, but I’ve long not allowed myself positive feelings with respect to my stump. I mean, I accepted myself, dealt with it, but I could never bring myself to finding it attractive in any way.”
“That’s because it isn’t. It’s ugly, it’s a pretty fucking awkward thing to have, it very much looks like that and it’s tough to hide,” Julia replied with a cynical grin.
“And yet you do…”
“Well, if you can’t hide it, flaunt it,” Julia chuckled.
“Heard that one years ago on tv; some design-guru. I instantly felt it was so true for me, and I live by it since then.”
Julia patted the emptiness of her left hip while saying it, smiling with a sisterly look. This woman opposite her was in the same boat, and neither of them were letting it be in the way of enjoying life. There was one difference though, a very important one for Julia. She was thirty-seven now, meaning time was running out with respect to her child wish. She’d never given up the hope to run into her mr. Right, but things were starting to get pressing by now. Sure, she could have a child, that wouldn’t be the problem. She’d had it checked and doctors had reassured her the chemo’s had not affected her potential to become pregnant. Julia would also have no trouble to get herself pregnant. Not having a steady partner didn’t mean her life was sexless. It was far from. And while there would be a few extra challenges, missing a leg was no reason you couldn’t have and raise a kid. So that wouldn’t be a problem either.
But she’d rather have and raise with a guy she loved, and who loved her. And that was.
“It’s a great line. I’ll make sure to remember it,” Sandra smiled. “But shall we move to motivation and what you’d like to do in your video?”
“Yes, now we’ve reached the showing it, we should,” Julia smiled.
“And they’ll love your showing, Julia. Your case is pretty uncommon, and it has its share of particular admirers too.”
“I’ve thought of that, obviously,” she smiled. “And my being here should tell you I decided to be okay with that.”
Sandra nodded, but she made sure to check thoroughly. “They will sense when you’re not fully. So will we, and we know from experience it’s never gonna make a good video. So be sure you are, okay?”
“No worries. I’m gonna show them and I’m gonna smile showing them.”
“Splendid,” Sandra smiled. “That leaves us with the what you’ll be showing them then?”
“Guess it does, eh?”
“Tell me, and we’ll work from there.”
Julia did, and it turned out she already had a pretty detailed idea. One that Sandra liked too. Julia didn’t fancy to see a guy feature alongside her, which Sandra had somehow not expected her to, and neither did she mind. From the purely physical point of view there was abundant reason to focus on this woman’s own beauty, especially since Julia’s idea soon revealed she wasn’t planning to hide much of it.
How nude to be nude was always left to the models. They obviously knew in what type of movie they featured, so being expected to take their clothes off was no surprise. There were a lot of ways to do that however, and much to Sandra’s excitement Julia’s choice in this sounded very promising. She had a pretty good idea what guys loved about her looks, and she was not intending to let her video be a disappointment in that respect.
She’d have the video shot at her place, and it would start with her morning shower, followed by reading a book in the garden while sunbathing naked.
“I have a very secluded garden, so it’s what I’d normally do, except for not wearing anything after the shower perhaps,” she smiled, lifting an eyebrow.
“Maybe that’s an idea though?” Sandra suggested. “Just a tiny gown, that you’d take off again in the garden. Guys love to watch undressing. And I’d have one if you…”
“I know they do. And I’ve got one that looks spectacular half-open,” Julia winked.
“You’ve got the breast size for it, so I suspected you would,” Sandra winked back.
“My boobs would be my second case of flaunt if you can’t hide it, and I can’t say I mind,” Julia chuckled.
“I can see you don’t,” Sandra grinned, eyeing the deep cut sweater Julia was wearing, plus a bra that made her breasts produce a rather spectacular cleavage.
“Unlucky with the leg, lucky with the tits. And I’m accepting both.”
“You should, dear. You look fabulous.”
“Now tell me the book part…”
Julia did, with lots of detail too. The book she’d be reading would be naughty, which would give her the thoughts to start playing with herself. Adequately representing these thoughts would require a man volunteering to let his full erection be on camera, but only as shots edited in. Sandra loved how very articulate Julia was, as if she already had the whole picture in mind. As there was more she already had in mind.
“I also want it to be a genuine dev erection,” she added.
“And how did you have that in mind?”
“We’ll have it shot seperately, in a different setting. But it’d have to be a hard-on from watching my amputation.”
There was a penny dropping now, and it made Sandra smile. “Hmm, so that’s why you were inquiring about Greg?”
“I was thinking he’d make a convincing candidate, yes,” Julia grinned. “Would he be a willing one as well, you think?”
“O, without a doubt.”
“Then I’m guessing the next question would be if you would let him be one?” Julia inquired.
“It would indeed, good guessing, lady.”
“I don’t want him to do anything more than watch me be naked and like my stump,” she explained, looking innocent
“And agree to have his boner on tape, I take it?” Sandra added.
“Um… yes, that too.”
It wasn’t hard to guess Sandra’s thoughts. As far as she was concerned, Greg was perfectly free to get excited by anything their not too innocent business made him come across as a cameraman. It was impossible to avoid and Sandra trusted her guy. In fact she trusted him enough to enjoy him sharing whatever he found hot about the models he got to shoot, which they did quite freely, and not the least because Sandra wasn’t insensitive to it either. She was bi-curious, not very actively but the sight of an attractive woman wouldn’t leave her unmoved, especially if the woman happened to be an amputee as well. Since she was actively relating to Greg’s attraction, Sandra’d seen her own sexual confidence boost. And she’d not only become interested in how other female amputees built theirs, she’d also come to enjoy a taste of it.
And while this was not about Sandra’s side, she did include what Greg had been allowing her in that respect. Which was quite enough to make up her mind as to Julia’s request.
“We’d have to ask him of course,” Sandra then replied. “But I’d be surprised to hear him say no.”
“Meaning you’re okay with it?”
“I am if you’ll let me keep an eye on him,” Sandra winked.
“As much as you’d feel the need to, thanks!”
“You’re welcome, Julia. I’m sure it’ll make a great first video. And now we’re mentioning that…”
“One final thing remaining, eh?” Julia replied, smiling with excitement.
“Depends on who I’m supposed to get naked for,” she chuckled.
“Just the guy of the camera crew who always does the test shoots. And me of course!” Sandra smiled, lifting an eyebrow.
“Yeah, you really scare me!” Julia laughed. “And what’s he like?”
“Peter is awfully nice,” Sandra reassured her. “He’s also very gay, by the way.”
They both laughed out loud, then Sandra phoned to check if Peter was ready. He was, so they got up. It was a short walk to the studio, down the hallway of a former factory now housing several small businesses. The tiled floor made their crutches click and echo loud, which made them wink at one another.
“So, you’re still not telling who gave you the recommendation, are you?” Sandra gave it one more try.
“I thought you’d have guessed by now?” Julia played innocent.
“Should I have then?” Sandra frowned, trying to remember if she missed a clou somewhere.
“Hmm, so all your models love parading for Greg then?” Julia continued the tease.
“Most of them do, yes…”
“Well, in that case it’s gonna be a little harder, I guess…”
“Hint?” Sandra pouted.
“Let’s say she loves… showering?” Julia winked.
“Annika, I knew it!!”
“Correction, dear: you should have known.”
There was another echo; now of loud laughter.