During the last year I’ve really tried my hardest to overcome my conflicting feelings about my amputation. I’ve made amputee and Dev friends, joined an amputee support group, started writing again about it, and yet I still struggle.
An opportunity arose in my support group with the Amputee Coalition to train to become a Certified Peer Visitor, in which I would mentor other amputees during their process and talk with their families about how amputation goes. I felt that this would be something I could use to launch me over the wall and really get over any left over negative feelings I have about my amputation.
I had never thought about mentoring before. Maybe this is what helps me really heal by helping others and their loved ones heal… it wasn’t until yesterday that I realized I have been mentoring amputees for years; I just never saw it as mentoring.
Oscar, one of my best friends, texted me yesterday saying he needed to confide in me and can only talk to me about the matter. He tells me his fathers dialysis isn’t taking and that he had lost his toe a month or so back. Now other toes are starting to die and they are talking amputation.
The second he told me that, my mind went straight into mentor mode without me even hesitating. I am close with his family and have been for years, so I told him if he or his family and especially his father has any questions, concerns or just need to vent that I’m their girl. I gave him an example of another best friend of mine from junior college had an uncle go through the same thing, and I was their go to girl.
I hadn’t even remembered about my friends uncle until I brought it up to Oscar. That’s when it dawned on me that I know a lot and have helped more amputees than I realize because I never see them. So since they are out of my sight, they are out of my mind.
I started looking back on all the amputee encounters I’ve had and I started to cry happy tears. I’m reaching a point in my life where my anti-depressants are finally clearing the fog and I’m remembering and seeing things like the old tenacious Alicia who kicked ass and didn’t care.
I really think my training is going to help me. Can’t wait to report to you all about it in the next few months 🙂